In order to learn how to coparent with an addict, you must learn how to be proactive instead of reactive. The addicted parent is likely to act in manipulative, deceitful, victimizing, and dramatic ways. Such behaviors should not be exposed to the children. This article will share some important tips to help you deal with your addiction. We hope that this article will provide you with some helpful information to help you deal with your coparenting situation.
Evidence of sobriety recovery
While you may be a recovering addict, your children do not have to suffer from your addiction. You can co-parent with an addict if you know how to handle their behavior. If you do, you can strengthen your bond with your children. One of the ways to encourage your co-parent to become sober is to let them know that you care about their well-being. You can also encourage them to go to counseling and take parenting classes. In the meantime, you should maintain your own financial responsibility and keep your home safe.
You can prove that you are sober by proving that you have taken steps to control your addiction. This may involve 12-step meetings or even UA or Breathalyzer tests. The key is consistency. If you regularly attend 12-step meetings, or are a member of groups, the court will take note of your sobriety. If you are missing meetings or resisting drug testing, you may lose credibility.
Proof of sobriety is crucial when coparenting with an addict. For example, a parent with a substance abuse problem may need to undergo supervised visits or enroll in a treatment program. If the other parent does not complete a treatment program, the court may require them to undergo random drug tests or enroll in a remote alcohol monitoring program. Despite these risks, demonstrating sobriety can greatly improve the child-parent relationship.
If the addict’s addiction is severe enough, a judge may decide that the best course of action is to send the addict to drug rehab, or an outpatient program. However, if the addict cannot make a successful recovery, the other parent can seek court intervention and seek an order for treatment. It is always in the best interest of the child to remove a parent who is unreliable.
While the drug-using parent may not pose a physical risk to their children, they may be neglectful, unreliable, or even violent. Likewise, an addict may experience psychosis, and this can lead to violent behavior. Children of addicts are often exposed to drugs at a young age, and this can result in the development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which is a common precursor to addiction.
Setting strict rules for visitation
When you decide to coparent with an addict, setting strict rules for visitation is important. In some states, the drug or alcohol abuser may have to stay out of the house and not be around the child. If this is the case, you may want to modify the order to prevent the abuser from being around the child. You can also condition visitation on a drug test and make the order conditional upon successful completion. It’s important to speak with an attorney before implementing strict rules for visitation.
Encourage communication
The children of an addicted parent are often confused, angry, and ashamed. Keeping communication open is crucial for establishing boundaries and explaining the disease. It is also important to remind them that their parents are not bad people, but that they are struggling with a disease. It can be frightening for children to live with their parents who are addicted to alcohol or drugs. It can also affect the child’s behavior.
If possible, schedule some private time to discuss issues or concerns. Agree to meet privately whenever disagreements or issues arise. Communicate to the children that this time is not personal. By setting boundaries, coparenting with an addict can be more successful and productive. The following tips may help you coparent with an addict. Just remember, there is no reason to let shame stop you from doing your part for your children.
If your co-parent’s substance abuse is moderate or severe, being direct with them can be helpful. Asking them about the amount of stress they experience can help you understand how they cope with their problems. Similarly, asking about how they balance a work-life balance with a child can also give you insights into their stress levels. But remember to keep the children’s safety and comfort in mind. If necessary, you can suggest that your co-parent seek professional help for substance abuse issues. Only a professional will provide a thorough assessment of their substance abuse.
The children of an addict have the rest of their lives to figure out what their relationship is with their parents. Hopefully, their addiction will not interfere with this. Ultimately, this is a win-win situation for everyone. While the children may be unable to fully appreciate the other parent’s efforts, they will still be able to develop healthy relationships with their parents. In addition to improving the quality of the relationship, the children have a much better chance of gaining unsupervised visitation and shared custody.
Reassure children that they are not to blame
The most effective way to reassure children that they are not to blame when co-parenting with an addict is to talk about the addiction. Kids internalize everything that happens to them and can sometimes feel responsible for their parents’ behavior. When you hide the truth from children, they may believe that what is happening is their fault and may even blame themselves for it. In order to avoid this, be clear and frank about the addiction.
Children are sensitive to criticism, and often interpret questions about their behavior as criticism. Be sure to use specific terms instead of labels when you talk about the changes in your child’s behavior. You can, for instance, assign a time log to your child, and ask about what they are doing on the internet. This way, they’ll know that you don’t hold them responsible for the changes in their behavior.
Once your child starts to question your actions and your decision to separate, talk to them about the changes in the family. Children often have questions even before their legal decisions are final. It’s a good idea to speak with children both at once so that they get a clear sense of their role in the family. Children don’t need to know who is to blame, but it helps to let them know that they’re not alone.
If you’re trying to co-parent with an addict, make sure you talk to your children about the mental health issues your ex has. Children can feel scared about the future. They may feel responsible for causing the divorce. Reassure them that they’re not to blame by telling them that the divorce happened because Mommy and Daddy were too unhappy together.
About The Author
Mindy Vu is a part time shoe model and professional mum. She loves to cook and has been proclaimed the best cook in the world by her friends and family. She adores her pet dog Twinkie, and is happily married to her books.